My mother used to say that our family was like a mobile above a baby's crib, each of us connected. If one was "out of whack" the rest of us would be affected, maybe wiggle and jerk around. We were encouraged to think about each decision we made and the impact it would have on the rest of our home.
John Donne's poem, " No Man is an Island" reminds us that we are in fact all one, connected and the impact is that much greater for cruisers due to the fact that we live in such close quarters!
There are quite a few other factors that make cruising and relationships more challenging than NOT.
- The biggest challenge being the lack of real space we have to separate ourselves from one another. Nothing makes the boat feel smaller than tension! We have instituted the 5 minute rule. Once a conflict has presented itself, the two parties have 5 minutes to resolve it. There is no room on board to continue with the typical silent treatment. Get all your issues out on the table, respect each others opinion, see things from the other parties point of view. Learn to agree OR learn to agree to disagree, period. The end. In the event that this just can't work, try a ride in the dinghy. Sometimes a change of scenery like quiet time on the bow or cockpit. These rules apply to all parties, regardless of age. How quickly things are put into perspective when suddenly the two of you have to work together to deal with a dragging anchor or drifting dinghy. You are then thrust into your familiar roles as team players and all the tension falls away!
- Time spent apart becomes less and less as you shed the financial responsibilities. With no job to report to, no school, no Grandma's down the street to babysit and no real schedule seems to leave everyone wondering what to do with themselves. It takes some time to learn to enjoy yourself, your hobbies or make plans with other cruisers. Fill up your days with boat projects, or home-school followed by an onshore play-date. Keep moving. It's easy to fall into a lazy pattern that can breed stress. As far as romancing your significant other, if you have been together long enough you know that you can make "things work" anywhere with very little noise and movement even while the children and/or guests are less than 20' away! Sometimes, that's all we really need to find relief! Believe me, somehow we always find a way, right?!
- Now that we have covered two main reasons for tension as a live aboard cruiser, Space & Time. Let's talk about how much fun it is to be ALONE!! I loooove me some alone time. AND I don't actually have to be alone to enjoy it. I can hop into the head and spend an hour by myself plucking my eyebrows, painting my toenails or re-organizing our toiletries! I enjoy reading for hours in a hammock on the foredeck and can completely separate myself from what's happening on the boat even with the sound of the drill screaming in the background! A deserted island isn't often thought of as a dream come true but it seems to be all we keep searching for! As cruisers, by definition we are aiming to be different, to be separate from the rest. Savor your alone time, use it to enhance who you are and then spread your happiness out into the world that surrounds you, don't become a curmudgeon!!
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